Going into foster care is never easy for any child but for teenagers who cannot live with their birth families, it can be particularly challenging.
But for Ashlee, from Denbighshire, who went to live with her foster cares at the age of 13, having a routine, structure and stability encouraged her to thrive in school, make new friends and made her believe that she could achieve in life.
Ashlee, who is now 20, shares how she benefitted from the guidance and direction that was, and is still provided by her foster carers, Sharen and Colin, and how being part of a loving and supportive foster family helped her become who she is today.
Read Ashlee’s story.
“I came to live with Sharen and Colin when I was 13, with my younger brother and sister.
“It was hard at first. Despite everything, I missed my birth mum and I was miserable. I didn’t want to do anything with anyone, except for my younger siblings, who hardly left my side.
“But quite soon afterwards, something changed. I realised how welcomed and wanted I was, and how at home I felt here.
“I felt part of a big, happy family and I absolutely loved that feeling.
“Deep down, I knew that I was going to be in foster care for the long term so I decided to embrace it and make the most of the new life and the opportunities I now had.”
it was a bit of a relief
Growing up at home, Ashlee had to take on a lot of the household responsibilities, including looking after her younger siblings, something that no older sibling should ever have to face. Instead of focusing on school and friends, she was helping to raise her younger siblings, which meant that her education and social life suffered.
“My school attendance was shocking before I came to live with Sharen and Colin. I had no bedtime routine, I was often up until the early hours of the morning, which meant I hardly ever went to school and had no friends.”
“In a way, going into foster care was a bit of a relief as the responsibility of being a ‘parent’ to my younger siblings was taken off me. Colin and Sharen naturally took over that role which meant I could be a ‘normal’ teenager and enjoy being an older sister, which is how it should be.
“We did things like go swimming and played board games. I bonded with the other foster children in the house, which was nice as I was gaining more brothers and sisters!
“for the first time in a long time, I didn’t have any worries and it felt amazing” – Ashlee
rules and routine
When Ashlee came to live with Sharen and Colin there were rules and boundaries. There was routine and structure, which everyone needs in their daily lives, regardless of their age. Ashlee welcomed this new lifestyle and soon began to thrive at school.
“There were regular mealtimes. It was bed by 9 and mobile phones and devices had to be left outside the bedroom at night. I was asleep by 9.30, which meant I could get up for school in the morning. And there was no fooling Sharen and Colin by trying to pull a sickie either – we went to school!
“Having that structure, routine and boundries really helped me thrive in so many ways. I never rebelled against it, I actually welcomed it as it did me the world of good! At the end of the day, it was their house, their rules and I totally respected that. With a houseful of children, they knew what they were doing!
“My attendance at school soon shot up to 98%, I made new, lifelong friends and actually started to enjoy school.
“With Sharen and Colin’s support, I went on to achieve amazing grades, went to college to study Health and Social Care and I now have a full time job as a Health Care Support Worker, which I love.
“I’ve been saving money to pass my driving test and recently bought my own car too!”
‘mum and dad’ – forever
For many children and young people in foster care, choosing to call their foster parents ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ is about what feels natural and normal to them. Ashlee recalls the exact moment that she first started calling Sharen and Colin ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’.
“I had been thinking about it for a while as it didn’t feel right calling them Shaz and Col anymore.
“So one day, I just called out to Sharen ‘what do you want for dinner, mum?’ I don’t think it sank in with her at first so I said it again. And that was it.
“A few days later, I started calling Colin ‘Dad’. It just felt natural.
“When I was 18, I decided (as a suprise!) to get a tattoo to show my love for them. I asked both of them to write the words ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’ on a piece of paper and then got those handwritten words tattooed on my arm.
“They were blown away and touched when they saw it. It was such an emotional moment.”
i love you
Often, after moving on from long term foster care, the relationships between young people and the foster family will continue into adulthood and throughout their life during which they will share many special milestones and moments together.
Ashlee is now 20 and lives in her own self-contained annex as part of the family home and continues to be close to her foster family, whilst building independence at the same time.
Ashlee shares a heartfelt message that she wrote for her foster Mum in a Christmas card, which Sharen treasures, in a bid to encourage more people to consider fostering:
“To Mum,
Words can’t describe how much you mean to me. You have saved my life and I am so grateful. I’m not only grateful for what you’ve done for me but for being able to call you ‘mum’. Thank you for saying ‘yes’ to having me. Thank you for being there for when I needed you and for being there when I was going through some rough times. I am so happy that you gave me and my brother and sister a chance in life and we are all where we are today because of you.
I love you.
Lots of love, Ashlee.”
could you help give a young person, like Ashlee, a better future by becoming a foster carer with your local authority?
If you live in Denbighshire, contact Foster Wales Denbighshire and a member of our dedicated team will be in touch for a friendly, no obligation conversation to help you decide if fostering is right for you.
If you live anywhere else in Wales, visit Foster Wales for more information and to find your local authority fostering team.
